10: Here my Dear

So last week I got my gift from Bae for Valentine’s day. Yes I got it last week, Friday to be specific. Yes, it was almost a week late BUT seeing we live in different states we are at the mercy of mail delivery…

Also factor in that there was an electronic mix up at USPS on the Thursday & Friday prior to Valentine’s day that delayed all mail AND that the following Monday was a holiday AND that we got snow starting Monday and into Tuesday…well you have all the ingredients for the perfect storm. So yeah…my gift was delayed.

Nevertheless I was uber excited to receive anything in the mail (as we agreed to wait and exchange gifts in person but in true fashion he is always full of surprises). He and I both are excited about giving gifts to each other…well maybe I am more than he is but whatever. THIS time he was so excited he couldn’t wait to see me in person to gift me properly. And once I opened the box I could see why.

First there was a fluffy teddy bear…

Then a box of Godiva chocolates…

A card that I don’t need to share with you as that is none of your businesssssss…

And the reason for all of his excitement…

A book all about are last year and a half together from start to finish featuring pictures of us! I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of time that he put into this…he has a DEMANDING work schedule, a DEMANDING son, and of course a VERY DEMANDING girlfriend lol so I’m sure this was a majorly daunting task (as he outlined in the book). He even put it in chronological order if you can believe it…567 days (give or take a few) of pictures, conversations, and love.

Though I know he’ll love the gift that I have gotten him (which I am unable to disclose the description of since Bae follows the blog)…he has OBVIOUSLY managed to outgift me with this amazing tangible and irreplaceable example of his love for me.

I didn’t find a good man…I found a GREAT one

9: Gain a boo, lose a friend or two

I read somewhere some time ago that people get into relationships and lose (on average) 2 friends.I don’t know how true that is but I think there is some validity there.

I haven’t necessarily lost friends since I started my relationship but the friendly dynamic has indeed changed with some of them.

Friend one…let’s call her…Mya.

Mya and I had our issues prior to my relationship starting but they were manageable. And by manageable I mean I distanced myself from her enough to not be bothered by some of the behaviors I found off-putting. Mya has issues like any other woman…any other person for that matter. he’s looking for love (in all the wrong places) and covets the relationships of others in my humble opinion.This OBVIOUSLY presented a problem when I entered into my relationship and made an already strained friendship unbearable. Mya was friends with Bae…talking to him more than I ever did prior to our relationship…but once we started dating communication between them ceased totally…terminated by her. When Mya and I would speak on the phone if I mentioned Bae or anything about a relationship in general she would immediately change the subject and speak of current events in her life. It got to the point that when I did speak to her she didn’t even offer up a “hey how are you”…just launched into whatever story about her dick du’jour.

“Huh? Oh yeah I’m listening…”

Did I mention this behavior of her coveting and subsequently tarnishing/ending friendships is not something new? Well it’s not something new. As a matter of fact it has happened with…

Not ONE friend…

Not TWO friends…

Not THREE friends…

But FOUR…count them FOUR friends.

*gasp*

So yeah…I really shouldn’t be surprised by her actions or her denial (yes I called her on it) of said actions. Needless to say we still no longer talk nor hang out as much as we used to. And really that’s fine with me. Who needs that type of energy around them anyway?

Friend Two…let’s call her…Jane.

She’s my oldest friend…we met in 1993 she literally saw me grow up as I did her. Our friendship didn’t suffer due to my relationship…it suffered due to hers. She’s currently in her first relationship (they have been together for the last 5/6 years) and very much in love. Shortly after starting to date her fiance they bought a house and had a baby. Now when all this occurred I was single BUT I didn’t become the jealous friend. And I’m not just saying that because I’m the one telling you the story. I respected that this was her first relationship and that she was going to throw herself fully into it as most girls do with their first boyfriend. And she did. Soon after she found herself pregnant and to me, she explained that it was unplanned. That turned out to be not quite the truth. Now seeing as we told each other everything for the greater part of our entire lives, I was a bit hurt by the fact that she essentially lied about her plans. No matter. It wasn’t THAT big of a deal. She moves in with her boyfriend and has her daughter who I’m named as the godmother to, still the distance between us became wider. It kind of reached the end when she invited me to a party she was having at her house and then informed me that I was no longer godmother but “partial” godmother and splitting godmother duties with another one of her friends who was pregnant at the same time she was.

Yeah….that happened. So of course I distanced myself. Mind you not because I wasn’t a “full godmother” anymore, no my dears I couldn’t care less about that. It was rude. And I thought we were much better than that…I guess I was wrong. Months went by and we would speak infrequently yet still cordially when she wasn’t interrupting the conversation to talk to her not yet verbal infant or her boyfriend. One morning on the way to work she called me to vent her frustrations on our failing friendship…and wouldn’t you know that EYE was cited as the reason that our bond had broken? We talked more and she saw my side of the story a bit better, we were on our way to a “reconciliation”!

Well I mean all of that did happen….but everything still pretty much stayed the same. She lives her life and I life mine. There’s no animosity between us, but I won’t be an afterthought in regards to a friendship, so we’re more along the lines of associates now.

As cliche as it sounds….some people really are only in your life for a season (or 4)…it is what it is. No need wasting time and energy on fixing things that can’t (or shouldn’t) be fixed.

8: Mixed Messages

So I was minding my business looking at Facebook this morning…

*insert leisure walk music here*

And came across this picture someone had posted…

Creative

I laughed…way to keep things interesting girl *high five*

Something told me to read the comments so I did and stumbled upon this…

So I said to myself: “Self…that prude is a prude ass prude.” I mean we have limited info to go on but I’m assuming that the lady requesting cash is requesting it from her mate and not some random stranger. It is in fact perfectly okay to be sexually flirtatious and not nasty AT ALL. Then I said to myself: “Self, let’s go to her page.”…so I did.

Well isn’t that vetty vetty interesting….you have the word “bitch” as your cover picture and list your occupation as “queen bitch”…

To quote YOU dear heart I inquire…”Where is the respect?”

7: RealiTEA TV; Big Women: Big Love

So I watch this show that comes on Lifetime…Big women: big love. As a plus sized woman I was anxious to see what was going to be represented on this show. I was less than shocked to discover that it was nothing but stereotypical obese women.

Clockwise starting from the girl in the top left: Sabrina, Mar, Jenn, Jessica, and Kristi

Sabrina: the TOTALLY insecure fat girl who OFTEN finds dates on online dating apps.

Mar: the ho, E.V.E.R.Y.T.I.M.E she goes out her plan is to make out with someone.

Jenn: the 40 year old virgin who is delusional about her size.

Jessica: the aggressive former fatter girl who now thinks she’s hot to trot.

Kristi: the single mom searching for ANYONE to be her mate

For the purpose of this blog I will focus solely on Jenn and Jessica. Why? Because they refuse to accept their bodies…which is a problem I have with many plus size women…they describe themselves with different adjectives like:

THICK

FLUFFY

CURVY

VOLUPTUOUS

All in an effort to avoid calling themselves the one word they are:

If it looks like a duck you call it a duck right?

Let’s start with Jessica shall we?

Jessica has lost 100 pounds prior to appearing on this show and is currently still working towards losing weight. That’s awesome, I congratulate her FOR REAL because losing weight is far from easy, especially losing a significant amount of weight. However my honey child repeatedly calls herself “skinny” or “skinny-thick” *blank stare* skinny you are not, skinny-thick you are not, fat you are. Hell I could even go for curvy-fat since she she does have a curvy shape and likes to combine adjectives but #LetsBeHonest. This warped sense of self makes her VERY aggressive on the dating scene…which is fine…but as a plus size gal it can lead to egg on your face. And in an episode of the show it did when she went after a high school friend SUPER strong repeatedly in one sitting until he could no longer duck and dodge her advances politely and had to let her know that it ain’t happening.

Next up is Jenn…

Nearly every episode Jenn is featured in she is LITERALLY about to pass out and die because someone referred to her as fat. *looks at picture of Jenn….looks at you* she prefers to be called curvy *looks at picture of Jenn…looks at you* Let’s call a spade a spade here…Jenn is built like a commercial refrigerator…the only curve I see on her is her second chin.

Okay…maybe that was a little shady…

I have ALWAYS been bigger and taller than most girls since I was in elementary. My breasts appeared upon my chest in the 3rd grade, by 5th grade I had booty. Luckily enough for me I have always carried my weight “extremely well” as told to me by many a healthcare professional so while I am quite fat people don’t necessarily view me as “regular fat”.

With that said…being fat AWL MY LIFE (like the girls discussed above) I have developed quite a thick skin to folk’s description of my body…because really…it doesn’t matter. Someone else’s opinion of me period, does not matter. I’ve been called fat more times than I’ve been called by my name. Okay that’s an exaggeration but you get my point. People are going to talk about you, people are going to be mean to you, people are going to call you names. That is simply a fact of this thing we call life. Having a characteristic that makes you different from what is deemed “normal” is going to DOUBLE the amount of potential “not so nice” comments you may receive. Besides that…these women are almost/at/above 30 years old…stop acting like you’re 15 throwing temper tantrums because somebody called you a name.

6: Hoes get wifed erry’day B

So I lied.

Being without bae on valentine’s day sucked…it actually sucked more than when I was single if you can believe it.

Last year this time we were dating but I spent Valentine’s day with my friend Gretchen from Raleigh so I guess it didn’t seem like a big deal since my time was occupied. This year I was alone. My son was gone with his father for the weekend and it was just me…and my feelings.

But truthfully it wasn’t a bad day…

Until 5:00pm anyway.

A surprise gift for me was supposed to arrive in the mail…it didn’t.

*enter subsequent disappointment*

Then I saw 3 people I KNOW FOR A FACT had a less than discerning past when it came to handing out throat hugs and thigh embraces had gotten engaged…

*enter irrational woman feelings*

Now when anyone gets engaged OF COURSE I’m happy for them, truly happy, not “I’m just saying that because I’m supposed to” happy. I love love and I love when people want to commit their lives to each other…I think it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world (when people do it for the right reasons of course). But on this day…valentine’s day…it was too much for my fragile female psyche to handle. And I momentarily spazzed a bit (not on bae mind you) because….well why am I not engaged yet? I lived my life in a manner that society told me (before I woke up and realized that I should live my life as EYE see fit) would put me in the perfect position to be married with 2.5 kids by my current age. Meanwhile a chick who got banned from a restaurant for giving a dude sloppy top in the lady’s room (I’m not making this up) is now engaged.

Maybe Draya was right…

“I don’t think I’m considered a ho no more…your ho, your ho’ness can get deleted..”

I mean….hoes get wifed erry’day B

Erry’day B

But after a good night’s rest…I was cool again.

The reason I’m not engaged or married yet isn’t because they did something right or I did something wrong…it’s because I wasn’t ready. I always tell my friends “you can’t judge your life based on someone else’s story”…but you know how the saying goes…”those who can’t do…teach”; I give great advice but rarely take it. Who cares that I’m not currently engaged or married like some of my peers? I’m in a relationship that is filled with more love than I can even begin to express in words and where I can for the first time EVER be 100% me without judgement. And really that matters SO much more than a piece of jewelry or a name change.

Dear Bae, don’t get it twisted, you got a fly last name and I can’t wait to have it too ^_^

5: Valentine’s Day

Today I finally decided what to get my honey love for Valentine’s Day.

Just kidding! Though he’d be happy about it. I would tell you lovelies what I will be getting him…BUT…I’m not since that would in turn inform him. Yes, my boo reads my blog (just like how we met awwwwww) everyone wave to bae!

One of the good things about being in a long distance relationship is that I have extra time to put things together for gift giving occasions (generally) and I’m an all-star procrastinator. My future step son’s birthday is the day after valentine’s day so usually we don’t spend that day together…which actually is okay with me. Valentine’s day is just a day…a day not nearly as important to me as it was when I was younger.

Anniversaries however are much different…

Plus who cares about gestures on the day that society says you’re obligated to show love? Show me you love me on a random Thursday in March…and all the other random days of the year. That’s what really counts to me 💓

4: Meme Queen

Emojis made texting fun….now we have a few characters to help animate our messages.

😆😂😭😙

But did you know that texting can be EVEN MORE fun? Oh yes my sweets…it can and I will tell you how in one simple word.

Memes.

I am the meme queen. No this is not up for debate. As you can see from the picture above I have almost 500 pictures that can convey emotions via text…SOMETIMES WITHOUT EVEN INCLUDING WORDS!

Yes. That is a real snapshot of my texts. Yes I have friends that use them as well. They REALLY add some pizazz. Try it!

3: Old

Do you remember when you first felt old?

Actually…let me rephrase that…

Do you remember when you first became cognizant of your own aging?

Depending upon your age you probably have NO idea what I’m talking about and that’s cool. Youth is awesome ass awesome. But I’m sure some of you remember if not the exact moment, at least a gradual progression into that realization of “Shit…I’m not as young as I used to be”.

Well I realized that yesterday. Granted there are several things that have happened to my body (torn ACL, torn ligaments, general body changes, etc) as well as changes around me (technology mainly) that LOUDLY signaled to me that I was no longer the fly spring chicken I once was.

I still didn’t think I was a fall hen though!

Well yesterday a serious of unfortunate events notified me that I was indeed…aging.

1. I washed my hair and notice the temple area of my hair was thinner than the other areas of my head. No, I’m not balding and I don’t have a receding hairline but I noticed it was a bit thinner (not visually but via touch).
2. My gray hair is FLOURISHING. I remember the first time I found a gray hair (I was 21) and I was distraught and pulled it out.
3. I always carry a jacket because I’m always cold. Okay so that probably has more to do with my anemia BUT I was never cold when I was younger.
4. I took a selfie and I could see faint lines around my mouth and eyes…my skin also looked slightly “duller” than it did at say 22.
5. I fell asleep in the movie theater. Yes, totally asleep. Like….I might have been snoring asleep. Most expensive nap I’ve EVER taken.
6. And the most telling of all events…my son looks like (and is almost as he frequently reminds me) a teenager. I was just changing diapers and teaching him to walk and now he’s like….half of a man! I can’t deal!

Even though I’m aware of my inevitable aging, don’t get it twisted…I’m HAPPY *cue Pharrell* and no I’m not just saying that…I’m really HAPPY and completely unbothered by any of the above events (well except for my son growing up lol). People…well women…hit 25 and immediately start dreading their impending 30’s; well I’m here to tell you that 30’s (so far) really ain’t half bad. In fact, I’m actually MUCH happier in my 30’s than I was in my 20’s if you can believe it. I TRULY know myself, I have more money, I don’t have to change diapers anymore, no drama with any of my friends, and…I’m in love. Don’t get it twisted, my 20’s were great…just great in a different way that I don’t want to visit again. So don’t fret about how many candles are on your cake this year or how many gray hairs you have…

Unless they’re gray pubes cause….yeah.

2: How we met

My relationship is a non conventional one, I currently live 513 miles away from my boyfriend…yes…I’m in a long distance relationship…but really it’s not ALL that bad, we see each other at least once a month so it’s not nearly as bad as most long distance relationships.

How does one get into a long distance relationship? Well of course that varies from relationship to relationship but today I’ll gift you with my story.

Some years ago (6 years ago) I had a blog…a much more ratchet blog that chronicled my adventures in clubbing and dating and my boyfriend (who was dating someone else at the time) started to follow my musings, I returned that favor and followed his blog which was filled with gentlemanly gestures of love he displayed for his lady. We became SMF’s (social media friends)…leaving comments for each other and occasionally speaking via gchat and twitter for the next 4 years. Then a little over 2 years ago he and his girlfriend broke up and I hit him up for some dating advice…somehow (And when I say somehow I mean I decided I was going to force my love on him) the conversation progressed from the occasional ‘hey how’s it going’ that I usually hit him up with to something more and within that 3 months our friendship flourished into actual friends not just SMF’s. Then one day I ended up in the hospital and I HATE hospitals and I was immediately depressed being there…I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Except him. I hit him over gchat and talked a bit and he made me feel better. Why did I want to speak to him you ask? Well most people have not been hospitalized for anything in their lives much less some mysterious illness…but he had…he could relate…so I only wanted him. Our friendship progressed further and while I was hospitalized again a few months later I was reading the bible and came across a verse…

Did I mention I hadn’t seen this man yet? Oh….yeah…I hadn’t seen him yet. Well I had seen his back and a sliver of the profile of his face (which was his profile picture on Twitter) but that was it. So even though I was kind of Rich Homie Quan feeling some type of way I kind of took this as a sign that you know…this is okay.

At some point after my second hospital stay we skyped and he wasn’t a Catfish so we proceeded with our long distance love affair…3 months later he hopped a flight and came to my hometown so we could meet in person and the rest as they say is history. In July of this year we will have been together 2 years.

The next question EVERYONE asks is “Is he moving?”

Well no…the plan is for me to move, my job can be done anywhere and his career is centered where he is so it makes sense for me to move. Notice I have a job and he has a career…yeah, hope you caught that.

The next question of course is “well when are you moving?”

Well my dears….momma has been trying to wait on bigger commitment  before calling the U-haul but I hope to move within the next year. While we have been making this long distance love flourish it’s hard work honey LET.ME.TELL.YOU and quite frankly I’d really like to snuggle up with my boo and allow him to plant eggplant in my garden more than one weekend a month.

Oh don’t you go judging me!

1: Who is modified Regina George?

I said this year I was going to keep a diary…well a journal…diary seems juvenile which at 31 years of age is not something I am any longer. I used to always keep a log of my life but then eleven years ago I had my son and writing in general kind of skipped out the window for the most part…but here we are…writing, well…kind of. I kind of look at this blog as a way to maybe allow my son to see my thoughts and more perspective into who I am one day when I leave this earth. Morbid? Maybe. However being realistic does require one to embrace all aspects of life and inevitably a part of life is…well…death. I also see writing as a way to vent as well as gain better perspective on myself and situations I face…we’ll see if that actually happens. Like I said I’m 31 and am a single mom to an 11-year-old but not a “traditional” single mom. My son’s father is great in comparison to other fathers who aren’t with their child’s other parent but personally I feel he can still do much more than he currently does. Really hope that doesn’t that doesn’t sound ungrateful because I’m not…just…yeah…I’m sure there’ll be more information on that as this evolves. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is 7 years my senior and lives a little over 500 miles away. He’s amazing and is one of the few people on the planet who can REALLY work my nerves…significant others have a special way of accomplishing that you know, but that’s not anything out of the ordinary of course as with every high comes a low. Relationships are all about enjoying the highs and withstanding the lows. I think a lot of people forget that in this age of social media where with the click of your pointer finger you can see 100 couples smiling from ear to ear portraying their love as ‘without flaw’. Folks never take into account the WWF matches taking place that couples (of course) DON’T post. I have awesome friends. Smart, funny, attractive friends who can hold their liquor. I mean really does it get much better than that? My circle is small but I like it just like that…when your circle is small it’s much easier to see the snakes…and subsequently have everyone beat that snake within an inch of their life so that they know that this circle here don’t play that snake shit. *smiles* I have a job. Entry level position that has great benefits and pays the bills…I even have money left over after. Is it what I want to be doing? Well no not exactly. I say not exactly because really, I never found what I wanted to do career wise. I was always taught “go to college, that’s the only way you’ll get a good job” but no one ever told me that a good job =/= a job that makes decent money. Ah well c’est la vie. I hope you’ll settle in as I document my life…but if you don’t…well I don’t really care